AFTER three years together and a ring on her finger, one woman has been left uncertain about whether she wants to go through with the wedding.
And in a bid to make sense of whether she’s got the wrong end of the stick, she’s posted her dilemma anonymously on Reddit.
The 31-year-old woman explained that she’s been thinking of calling off the wedding as a result of her fiance’s “frugalness”.
The pair met three years prior and two years after he got out of an “abusive marriage” with a woman who “bled him dry” of his finances.
“Made him buy expensive jewelry only to give it away or break it after an argument. Designer shoes, clothes, big house cars… Caribbean trips. You name it, she made him pay for it,” she explained. “She also took him to the cleaners in the divorce.”
The woman went on to explain that her partner makes a nearly-seven figure salary as a result of his job, going on to call him “well off”.
He also inherited “a few millions from his grandfather” while his parents also gave him a “few cool millions”.
She then explained that she’d moved into his house a year ago, where she doesn’t pay rent but splits the bills and buys food. She also said she buys her own jewellery and clothes and knows how to take care of herself.
“His house was empty when I moved in,” she went on, explaining that he had second-hand furniture, limited cutlery and never put the heating on.
She continued: “He has no curtains, no decorations…
“I looked into curtains but those things are expensive. His house has so many windows it is crazy. I didn’t want to pay for his anymore.”
In a bid to sort the house out, she went to speak to her partner to ask for a fund to get curtains and other essentials.
But instead he “blew up” at her and accused her of being with him “just for his money”.
In rebuttal, she pointed out that she’d spent a great deal of money on his house, gifts and trips, while he “pays nothing ever”.
She had bought kitchen supplies, furniture, and more. But when she began dipping into her savings, she had enough.
“The fact is, if we break up I have nothing… the house is not mine,” she wrote. “If I spend all my savings on his house I will be left with absolutely nothing! He wants a prenup and I am fine with that but I can’t help but feel used.”
The woman also confessed that she’s jealous of his ex-wife as she was “treated and I am neglected”.
He proposed to his ex on a cruise with an £8,000 white gold diamond ring, while she was proposed to with a rhodium plated Swarovski stuff “that might cost like 100 bucks (£80)”.
Meanwhile, she told readers that she had organised the picnic that he proposed to her as she paid for the groceries and “slaved in the kitchen”.
“However I am afraid to bring it up and to be called a gold digger,” she explained. “I don’t want to be funding a millionaire’s lifestyle. He loves everything as long as I pay for it. As soon as he has to pay it is frivolous, unnecessary…”
She continued: “I can live like a poor person by myself. At least the fact there are literal millions lying around doesn’t hang over me to bum me out. And I would just be paying for my own lifestyle.”
The woman explained that she understands that he went through abuse with his ex, who was “more terrible than I thought”.
But now believes he’s “doing the same to me as she was to him and he is (subconsciously) punishing me for what was done to him”.
Explaining that she doesn’t need designer furniture, she shared: “IKEA all the way and I have refurbished second hand furniture myself. I am actually pretty thrifty.”
She went on to share that she feels like the “discount wife”.
The woman ended the thread by explaining that she plans on pausing plans for the wedding to do counselling.
“I also am going to separate for a while,” she shared. “I am looking to rent something for a few months so I can get some space.”
People were quick to comment on her thread, assuring her that counselling was the right way to go as one person wrote: “You should not marry or have kids with him until he gets into counselling”.
Another said: “This man is in no way over his ex. She’s still a part of his relationship, she’s still there.”
To which she replied: “Yeah haunting me as I need to be the complete opposite of her and not allowed to have needs . Y’all are right he needs more time and healing”.
A third added: “Honestly you two need to see a counsellor and he needs to be going to individual therapy. It's very obvious that he is not over what happened with his ex and if you two cannot communicate in a healthy way then this relationship is doomed.”
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